Patience

Hey guys! I'm not really sure what you guys struggle with at home, but I can certainly tell you that I struggle with patience. I really just can't handle the concept sometimes. A few years ago when I wasn't a Christian, I would pretty much never wait for anything. I lived on impulse, demand, and anger that resulted when I didn't get my way. My goodness, I'm so thankful Jesus has helped me with that sinful part of my nature. However, that doesn't mean that I don't struggle anymore. The problem didn't just obliterate itself (that would be too easy). 


I hated children a few years ago. Absolutely despised them. It breaks my heart to think that at one point in my life, I thought children were disgusting- not only that, but they were disgusting to the point that I didn't even like being around them. I would become miserable. I was unpleasant to be around, made snarky remarks, and made it quite obvious that I was not enjoying myself.


However, I can now say that I am quite blessed and privileged that Jesus melted the ice around my heart when I accepted him as my savior. I love kids- everything about them. The innocence that hasn't been destroyed by the adult world, the crazy imaginations... even the dirty stuff like cleaning diapers and wiping runny noses. Now don't get me wrong, they can still drive me absolutely crazy. Nuts, even.


I even work at a daycare center. That's pretty monumental for me haha.


It's funny to me how the holy spirit transforms us when we accept Jesus as our savior. I don't really understand how to explain it in words... maybe a conscience on steroids? Even that would be an understatement because it leaves out the wisdom the holy spirit allows us to gain, and I'm eternally great for that because I was so naive and ignorant before I became a Christian. Honestly? If I met myself from two years ago, I wouldn't have associated with myself. That's the truth.


...Anyway. I didn't realize how much my patience had improved until I would tell my friends stories about experiences I had at work. It's funny to think about the awful things that have happened. My money got stolen, some of the kids misbehave constantly, and of course... the occasional kick or slap from a cranky toddler. And every time something bad happened, my friends would ask me, "Why do you work there? Are you ever going to just leave that place? Did you beat the crap out of that kid afterward? (No, I've never hurt any of the children to answer that haha- never, I can't even imagine)" Or, they'd say, "Ew, that's not worth it." 


A couple of years ago, I wouldn't have survived a week at that place. You know what? I wouldn't have survived one day. I had zero patience with children. However, I never really realized how much patience the holy spirit has allowed me to gain throughout the past couple of years until this week. On Wednesday, I went to take a little potty but his little sister wanted to come. I told her that she had to stay outside with the other children, and she didn't exactly like that answer so she slammed the door on my finger. Let me know you, I saw stars. Seeing stars is not just a thing in cartoons. Well, I did a little dance of pain before I realized I was bleeding everywhere. On myself, on the wall... I was a mess. The way the door shut on my finger, it sliced it open pretty badly. However, despite the fury I felt, I was patient. My poor co-worker was trying to help me while taking care of the babies. I was still in the baby room when the child's mother came, but I held my tongue even though I wanted to shout what her child did in both pain and anger, and I didn't say anything. I refused to act on impulse.


My boss let me go early so I could get my finger glued (they used glue instead of stitches because I'm left handed and the cut was on my right hand). I was incredibly frustrated the entire night- and in a lot of pain. However, the next day I realized that I wasn't angry. The holy spirit allowed me to forgive the girl. I didn't act against the girl, nor did I say anything to her mother. Not even the next day when my finger was bandaged up, and no one had said anything (except my boss who had been incredibly supportive of me. She's a wonderful woman). My boss had also told the little girl to apologize, but she wouldn't. I heard my boss tell her to apologize and I patiently waited, but I got nothing. And you know what? That's fine. The damage is done, and I forgive her. I'm still waiting for that apology two days later, and I don't think I'm ever going to get it... but I'm ok with that. The picture below reminds me of how I feel about patience and forgiveness, especially in cases like getting your finger slammed in the door by an annoyed little girl.

I found an amazing quote while I was searching for pictures for this post. Joni Eareckson Tada, Christian author and radio host, said," “The times we find ourselves having to wait on others may be the perfect opportunities to train ourselves to wait on the Lord.” I can honestly say that I've never thought of patience that way, and it's incredibly true! A lot of people give up on the Lord because their prayers aren't necessarily answered the way they want them to be, or maybe their prayers aren't answered the way they want them to be. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and I can't tell you why prayers aren't always granted the way we want them to be, but I do know this- Over the past couple of years, I've realized as my patience with others grew, my patience and assurance in the Lord grew as well. And even in loss and suffering, I've found peace in knowing that God is good. Everything he does is good, even if we don't understand how or why. Sometimes we just have to go with the flow and let God work his miracles. 


He doesn't answer you right away? Believe me, he hasn't forsaken you. He loves you dearly! Just be patient. Patience is strength. 


And, if you still haven't accepted the Holy Spirit to help you with patience, just keep Galatians 5:22-23 in mind, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

God Bless everyone and thanks for reading!

A Crown of Thorns Just to Win Your Heart

Hey everyone! It's been too long since I have posted, but things are quite hectic around here with work, school, and Nationals for debate coming up. So, I am terribly sorry. Please forgive me? :)


So, as the title mentions, the song "Alive" by Natalie Grant is stuck in my head. I had heard it before, but I really meditated on the lyrics while I was driving home from my eye doctor appointment (Oh, and my eyes are just fine. Nothing's changed- not that it even mattered. I just hate saying something and not explaining because people over think things.). I think the lyrics are absolutely beautiful. Oh! Here's the lyrics, you know, in case you don't have time to actually listen to the song:

Who but You, could breathe and leave a trail of galaxies and dream of me?

What kind of Love is writing my story till the end with Mercy’s pen?

Only You.

What kind of king would choose to wear a crown that bleeds and scars to win my heart?

What kind of Love tells me I’m the reason He can’t stay inside the grave?

You. Is it You? Standing here before my eyes, every part of my heart cries

Alive! Alive! Look what Mercy’s overcome; Death has lost and Love has won

Alive! Alive! Hallelujah, Risen Lord, the only One I fall before

I am His because He is alive.

Who could speak, and send the demons back from where they came with just one Name?

What other heart would let itself be broken every time till He healed mine?

You. Only You could turn my darkness into dawn; running right into Your arms

Alive! Alive! Look what Mercy’s overcome; Death has lost and Love has won

Alive! Alive! Hallelujah, Risen Lord, the only One I fall before

I am His because He is

Emmanuel, the promised King the baby who made angels sing

Son of Man who walked with us, healing, breathing in our dust

The author of all history, the answer to all mysteries

The Lamb of God who rolled away, the stone in front of every grave

Alive! Alive! Look what Mercy’s overcome; Death has lost and Love has won

Alive! I am His because He is alive.

Alive! 

... However, you should still listen to the song, eventually, because Natalie Grant's voice is phenomenal. Seriously.

The lyrics are so visual and beautifully crafted that I actually lost focus while I was driving, but it was ok because I was at a red light. But seriously... The lyrics, "What kind of King would choose to wear a crown that bleeds and scars to win my heart," are so powerful alone. Just that one line alone packs a powerful punch. Think about it for a moment. How many kings how you studied about that would do that? Oh sure, there were great kings who took care of their people and protected them, but do you think they would have placed a crown of thorns on their head to win your heart? Would you have mattered to those other kings?

Passion of the Christ: Crown of thorns after scourging

I just want to take a few moments to focus on the time frame from when Jesus first went to Pilot to the crown being placed on his head. It wasn't like he was simply betrayed by his own people, the crown was placed on his head, and he walked off to the cross. Nope, not even close. The reason that line of the song hits me so hard is because of everything Jesus went through before the crown was placed on him. You see, Pilot didn't find any faults in the people, but he was essentially overpowered by the crowd. The entire crowd wanted Jesus killed for teaching against the Pharisees. So, as a compromise, he decided to punish Jesus severely by being scourged so if he brought Jesus back to the crowd afterward, they might take pity on the man.

What exactly did being scourged entail? 

Well, the Romans had torture perfected down to a science, and they had discovered that a person could survive 40 lashes during flogging, but they limited it down to 39 so no one broke the law. So, Jesus was whipped with a switch, but he continued to stand and didn't say a word. That didn't please the Romans and they had Jesus flogged 39 times before the men were forced to stop. Flogging wasn't just being whipped with a switch, either. Oh no, that would have been too merciful. Roman flogging was designed to essentially rake a person's back. The whip, or flagrum, would have been made with leather strips that had a variety of pain devices attached to the bottom of the leather strips including beads, scraps of metal, shards of glass, and bones. The beads and other various pain devices would create deep contusions while the leather strips alone would cut the person's back. However, once the objects, such as bone, were embedded into the skin, the Romans would pull on the whip so it went directly across the criminals back and shredded it.

Passion of the Christ : Jesus being flogged.

Now, Jesus wasn't only flogged from behind. Once his back was destroyed, the men turned him over and flogged the front side of his body. By the time the Romans would have finished, literally chunks of his skin and tissue would have been missing from his body. Isaiah described what Jesus would look like before the crucifixion in 52:14 when he says, 
" As many were astonished at you,
his appearance was so marred, beyond human semblance,and his form beyond that of the children of mankind. " 
And truly, he wouldn't have looked human. No matter how graphic movies and depictions may be of the crucifixion, we simply cannot capture what that moment looked like.


After the scourging, after all of the excruciating pain, and after all of the disfiguring blows that Jesus received, they placed a purple robe around his raw wounds, mocking him as the king of the Jews...


...and THEN two men placed the crown of thorns on his head. And that's only the physical torture that he endured! He was also spit on, slapped, and mocked throughout the entire punishment.


So, after all of the torture he endured by being scourged, he chose to silently take the pain from the thorns. Jesus could have simply decided to call it quits. In John 10:18, Jesus says, "No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again. For this is what my Father has commanded." He could have shown them proof that he was the Messiah and stopped the torture, but what good would that have done for our sins? For us? Jesus was the perfect lamb, and he loved us so much that he took the crown in silent agony before being sent back to the people, and to ultimately be crucified. Jesus wanted to save us, and he knew he had to die for us for God's wrath to be satisfied.


To me, that's powerful. I get all fired up just thinking about it! I try to think about the pain my Savior endured, and I simply can't. I mean, I freak out when I stub my toe or get a nasty scrape. I can't picture missing chunks of my flesh. I simply can't. He loved me enough to go through with that! He could have stopped it at any time, but he didn't because of his love for me and for all of man kind. All of us! Including the men who beat him and spit on him! Can you even picture that?


So, I go back to my original question that I got from this song: How many kings do you know who would take that thorn of crowns to win your heart?


I only know one King, my friend, and it's the King of Kings- My Jesus. My personal savior, my father, my teacher, and my King. The one true King whose love is eternal. I can certainly can tell you He has won my heart.


Now, has He won yours?


I pray that if he hasn't, please read the book of Mark in the Bible. It doesn't matter what you've done in your life, and it doesn't matter what anyone tells you- Jesus came to Earth, took that beating and crown, and he died on that cross for you. He loves you.
Do you love Him?


God Bless