Patience

Hey guys! I'm not really sure what you guys struggle with at home, but I can certainly tell you that I struggle with patience. I really just can't handle the concept sometimes. A few years ago when I wasn't a Christian, I would pretty much never wait for anything. I lived on impulse, demand, and anger that resulted when I didn't get my way. My goodness, I'm so thankful Jesus has helped me with that sinful part of my nature. However, that doesn't mean that I don't struggle anymore. The problem didn't just obliterate itself (that would be too easy). 


I hated children a few years ago. Absolutely despised them. It breaks my heart to think that at one point in my life, I thought children were disgusting- not only that, but they were disgusting to the point that I didn't even like being around them. I would become miserable. I was unpleasant to be around, made snarky remarks, and made it quite obvious that I was not enjoying myself.


However, I can now say that I am quite blessed and privileged that Jesus melted the ice around my heart when I accepted him as my savior. I love kids- everything about them. The innocence that hasn't been destroyed by the adult world, the crazy imaginations... even the dirty stuff like cleaning diapers and wiping runny noses. Now don't get me wrong, they can still drive me absolutely crazy. Nuts, even.


I even work at a daycare center. That's pretty monumental for me haha.


It's funny to me how the holy spirit transforms us when we accept Jesus as our savior. I don't really understand how to explain it in words... maybe a conscience on steroids? Even that would be an understatement because it leaves out the wisdom the holy spirit allows us to gain, and I'm eternally great for that because I was so naive and ignorant before I became a Christian. Honestly? If I met myself from two years ago, I wouldn't have associated with myself. That's the truth.


...Anyway. I didn't realize how much my patience had improved until I would tell my friends stories about experiences I had at work. It's funny to think about the awful things that have happened. My money got stolen, some of the kids misbehave constantly, and of course... the occasional kick or slap from a cranky toddler. And every time something bad happened, my friends would ask me, "Why do you work there? Are you ever going to just leave that place? Did you beat the crap out of that kid afterward? (No, I've never hurt any of the children to answer that haha- never, I can't even imagine)" Or, they'd say, "Ew, that's not worth it." 


A couple of years ago, I wouldn't have survived a week at that place. You know what? I wouldn't have survived one day. I had zero patience with children. However, I never really realized how much patience the holy spirit has allowed me to gain throughout the past couple of years until this week. On Wednesday, I went to take a little potty but his little sister wanted to come. I told her that she had to stay outside with the other children, and she didn't exactly like that answer so she slammed the door on my finger. Let me know you, I saw stars. Seeing stars is not just a thing in cartoons. Well, I did a little dance of pain before I realized I was bleeding everywhere. On myself, on the wall... I was a mess. The way the door shut on my finger, it sliced it open pretty badly. However, despite the fury I felt, I was patient. My poor co-worker was trying to help me while taking care of the babies. I was still in the baby room when the child's mother came, but I held my tongue even though I wanted to shout what her child did in both pain and anger, and I didn't say anything. I refused to act on impulse.


My boss let me go early so I could get my finger glued (they used glue instead of stitches because I'm left handed and the cut was on my right hand). I was incredibly frustrated the entire night- and in a lot of pain. However, the next day I realized that I wasn't angry. The holy spirit allowed me to forgive the girl. I didn't act against the girl, nor did I say anything to her mother. Not even the next day when my finger was bandaged up, and no one had said anything (except my boss who had been incredibly supportive of me. She's a wonderful woman). My boss had also told the little girl to apologize, but she wouldn't. I heard my boss tell her to apologize and I patiently waited, but I got nothing. And you know what? That's fine. The damage is done, and I forgive her. I'm still waiting for that apology two days later, and I don't think I'm ever going to get it... but I'm ok with that. The picture below reminds me of how I feel about patience and forgiveness, especially in cases like getting your finger slammed in the door by an annoyed little girl.

I found an amazing quote while I was searching for pictures for this post. Joni Eareckson Tada, Christian author and radio host, said," “The times we find ourselves having to wait on others may be the perfect opportunities to train ourselves to wait on the Lord.” I can honestly say that I've never thought of patience that way, and it's incredibly true! A lot of people give up on the Lord because their prayers aren't necessarily answered the way they want them to be, or maybe their prayers aren't answered the way they want them to be. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and I can't tell you why prayers aren't always granted the way we want them to be, but I do know this- Over the past couple of years, I've realized as my patience with others grew, my patience and assurance in the Lord grew as well. And even in loss and suffering, I've found peace in knowing that God is good. Everything he does is good, even if we don't understand how or why. Sometimes we just have to go with the flow and let God work his miracles. 


He doesn't answer you right away? Believe me, he hasn't forsaken you. He loves you dearly! Just be patient. Patience is strength. 


And, if you still haven't accepted the Holy Spirit to help you with patience, just keep Galatians 5:22-23 in mind, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

God Bless everyone and thanks for reading!